Getting Sociable in Thailand

Meeting people on my quest to explore the life of a Digital Nomad needed some thought. I noticed that all of my pictures have been of places and of people I’ve unwittingly accosted in the street, but no one I’d actually had any meaningful conversations with. Two weeks in, I realised that it was probably about time I did some networking - especially if I was thinking of living here.  Now anyone who knows me, knows that this is not my forte.  This is a real bummer in an industry which requires social butterflying and it’s a failing that I know I have to address.  So, armed with some gumption, I met someone who reached out in the Chiang Mai Digital Nomad facebook group, Ben Stivers - brand strategist extraordinaire.  We met in Restr8to, a coffee house with an extensive coffee menu from every part of the Southern Hemisphere; Guatamala, Costa Rica, Ecuador... ‘Do you have any tea? I asked, desperate for a hot Earl Grey.  ‘..we’re a coffee house?’ That would be a no then. Ben was lovely, and we helped each other out, mutually exchanging knowledge of our own arts.  But interestingly, before parting, he laid down a challenge to meet my self-confessed shortcomings: meet 5 people before we meet again in a week. Challenge accepted! ‘Do you count as one?’ I asked.  ‘Sure’. ‘Result’ said my antisocial self.

1. Conversations with a Holy Chicken

On the doorstep of the guesthouse I’m staying at, is the the Wat Phra Sing temple.  I visit there every day, sit myself down and quietly take in the surroundings.  At regular times, the monks enter the temple with the elders taking their seats along the side.  They sit there, meditating, so incredibly still that one gets the urge to prod one, just to check... I approached a guy carrying some of the golden artefacts, usually put out ahead of the pending Monk Sesh (No idea what it’s called:).  ‘You from Saakataland?’ He asked in very broken English. I nodded, pretty amazed to be honest.  His face lit up.  ‘I’ve been there!’  I smiled, maybe a tad doubtful to my shame.  He then proved his claim by reeling off the places he’d been: Edinburgh, Inverness, Aviemore and Glasgow - having accompanied the monks to temple visits in those areas. We exchanged basic words interspersed with lots of hand gestures to fill the gaps in our understanding of each other.  Turned out he was the Temple Boy and had grown up there.  His name was ‘Gai’; a name given by the monks - and Thai for ‘chicken’.  Gai keeps everything going in the temple and tends to the monks, working til late at night and up at the crack of dawn in the morning.  He was instantly likeable, and such an unassuming character with no airs and graces.  By the time I left, it was dark, and I headed off in search of my hotel. A good 15 minutes later, Gai found me wandering blindly about at the back of the temple gardens, looking for an exit.  Seriously - no sense of direction.  He offered me a lift back to the hotel and I gratefully accepted. ‘Oh my god - you don’t take lifts from strangers, mum!!’ says my eldest, later that night. How the tables have turned. Gai asked if I would come back and teach him some English which I agreed to do. Very ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ I thought.  Before we parted, he gave me a little silver pin with a Buddhist scroll as a gift for good luck.  I guess he figured with my sense of direction, that I’d need it find my way back there. 

Gold on Buddha's Back

There is a Buddhist expression about not seeking glory, which is to ‘put gold on Buddha’s back’.  In days of old, people would save up and buy a piece of gold leaf, which they would put on the Buddha as an act of devotion.  Most would put their gold leaf on the front of the Buddha, proud to show off their contribution; but the expression refers to those who put their leaf on the back of the Buddha that no one sees, caring more about the fact that he was covered.  Gai reminded me of this proverb - happy to quietly keep the monks fed and watered without seeking recognition for his servitude.  I know Gai is highly unlikely to have any urgent copywriting needs, but for me, he was such a pleasure to speak to - and without Ben’s challenge, I probably wouldn’t have approached him.  So he stays no. 1 in my challenge.  Now onto my next encounter...

2. ...Do you smell bacon...?

The following day, I had wandered off and found myself alone on a little overgrown road which had little else but stray dogs sheltering from the sun, now beating down mercilessly.  There was a solitary stand at the front of a shack, covered with blue tarpaulin, and attached with once brightly coloured plastic clothes pegs.  It was selling everything from fresh fruit to bits of cloth, and the same random scrap metal items that are in plentiful supply here. 

I noticed a straw hat lying at the end of a cane clothes rack and tried to reach it.  The owner - an older woman with a huge friendly grin and few teeth to fill it, came over, talking and Waiing.  I smiled and Waiied back, pointing at the hat, and asked how much it was, in shockingly bad Thai. 

Perhaps she smelled the aroma of sizzling pork as I stood there in the heat, or was amused by whatever I had actually said, but she pushed my hand with my purse down, saying ‘No money; gift!’  Lots of ‘Chai ka’ head-nodding and ‘Mai Chai ka’ shaking ensued until I relented and thanked her humbly.  I had nothing in my bag other than the money I was holding, to offer her in return (save a spare pair of pants and a half-eaten bag of cashews), so could do little more than offer a respectful Wai and head off, now shielded from the sun.

Ok, so again, this lady was not looking for a website content rewrite, but if we soften the terms of Ben’s challenge to ‘encounters’, I feel that this example of the generosity of the Thai people gets in on its own merits.  And I did technically meet her...

3. Tuk-tuk on a Shopping Spree

My morning plans for doubling down at what has now become my local co-working space were intercepted by a super friendly Tuk-tuk driver, who spoke superb English.   He offered to take me to go for a spin to the maker’s village about 15 minutes out of town.  He was such a sweetie, really friendly and chatty, took me to the silk- making village, umbrella-making village, laquered wood trinket thingumabobs village and an exotic (‘we didn’t kill them’) elephant leather warehouse. At each point, however, there was a bit of a hard sell which as a Brit, I struggled to refuse.  Refuse I did, however, as I had lost my purse a few days before (this was always going to happen) and

was utterly skint until I got paid.  The tuk-tuk driver did his utmost to convince me that having no money was not an issue.  Apparently, having cash on you is not a prerequisite of buying things at these places.  You just take them back to your hotel, and a heavy in a tuk-tuk drives round in the evening, visiting all the hotels and taking credit card payments for your purchases.  He really really tried to help alleviate my fears of taking something I hadn’t yet paid for.  Bless his leather sandals. About 3 hours later, I thanked him profusely for a great trip and headed off to the temple to see Gai, as promised.  I’d catch up on work later... The next day, I was chatting with two lovely ladies I met at the Saturday Market (2 walking miles of back-to-back street vendors selling everything you could ever think of - superb:) and we came upon the topic of places to visit. ‘There’s a makers village not far from here’, said one, ’The Tuk-tuk drivers try to sell you the tour as they get paid for everyone who buys anything at each station.’ I felt like a bit of a dumb tourist for being so gullible, but then, business is business - and hats off to him; he was good at it. By now, I was five days in, and still hadn’t really taken the plunge of getting involved in the thriving Western community that exists here. Time to grow a pair...

4. Woman Power and Second-Hand Kettles

In the heart of Nimman, there is a cafe called the Free Bird Cafe, founded and run by Lisa - one of those beautiful souls that naturally brings out other people’s sparkle.  Besides having the best Thai and Burmese food in town, the cafe is also a charity and a school that teaches refugee kids.  Every Wednesday, for the last 3 years, they hold a meetup for female digital nomads in the area.  I decided to go, despite being a little worried that I would be the only ‘oldie’ there; to my children’s amusement, I don’t get memes and the grammar Nazi in me mentally adds an ‘-ed’ every time I hear ‘I’m chill’. 

I arrived a little late, and the place was already buzzing.  I ordered what I realised later was an iced tea (I really have to get that right:) and went in. There at a long wooden table, were women of every nationality - and age, all chatting and laughing, and sharing their stories.  Pulled together by the common thread of Nomad-dom, it was truly amazing to hear about what had brought each of these wonderful, brave and vibrant women there.  There were retirees, young entrepreneurs, TEFL teachers and women who simply came for a holiday and stayed.  Just for a moment, I caught a glimpse of myself - here in Thailand, on a beautiful day with great company, superb food and no stresses - well, other than a lack of work.  I felt so lucky, and for the first time since being here, connected. On the way out, I visited their little second hand shop, full of great little treasures discarded by expats as they leave for their next destination.  As if to top off the day, there, gleaming and balanced on a spice rack was a little kettle.  ‘Tea Victory is mine!’ I whispered - sadly not quite - with my inside voice, and nabbed it quickly.  Now, regardless of how many iced teas/espresso fusion frappucino mates I’m served during the day, I will have my milky cuppa when I get back to my room.   I am the master of my own hot beverages... Aside from my glittering haul, I left the meetup with some great stories of some really interesting people - and importantly, a sense of belonging.  Being so far from home, family and friends, it’s one thing to be in such an amazing country but quite another to feel somehow a small part of it.  I feel I’ve overcome some of my social awkwardness, and am looking forward to meeting up with Ben later this week.  Challenge completed. Now if I could just get some work done...